I cant listen to alot of music I used to love anymore. Music lied to me. Made me feel like it was the most important thing in the world. But its not. I’m actually fucking gutted I’ve lived long enough to watch artists I admired and loved turn into fucking wank stains on the brothel bedspreads of musical culture and history and feel disgusted at the BS that I believed more then the artists themselves. So much so that their BS ‘saved’ my life. It makes a mockery of everything I believed in and me as a person. I defined myself by the music I listened to. Then I defined myself by the music I made. Which became the music I listened to. Is it narcissistic to primarily only listen to your own music? I think it may not be healthy to define myself solely on the music I make, but it really is my soul, laid bare. And I cant helped but define myself by it because its the soundtrack to the experiences that have defined me up to now.
I put my heart and soul into every one of my tunes. Every song has a story. Every track has a reason behind it. They are really more like a diary to me then a collection of club tracks to dance to. Most of them are meant to be listened to on headphones at high volumes so they surround you or felt in your body at a festival. Every song is a moment in my life that I’m trying to share to connect with people who know the feeling. Who’ve been on that level, good or bad, and have come through it (or still are). I want to be remembered as an artist who made people feel. Someone elses music saved my life once, I hope mine can do the same. Give people a bit of escapism, take them somewhere else, on a journey. Learn something. I just hope someday people can look back and say “that chic was on the level, she took me on a journey once”
State of Play – I was living in a 3x4m room with a wet wall on one side and a mouse (like, actual real one) for company in Aro Valley at the time. I hadnt really slept in months, was grappling with feeling stuck in a shit situation and not really seeing a way out of it and it just got me down to the point where I just felt like I really had no options. All of my choices at the time were shit and no matter what way I looked at things, there was nothing I could do. As you can probably tell by the song, I got pretty down about it. The track was probably one of the most honest and quickest songs I have made. It took an hour, from start to finish, and it captured pretty much exactly what I was feeling at that time. I wanted to be honest about what I was going through but also knew that I would be misunderstood and harassed even more if I did and felt a pretty big lack of support in the situation and circumstance I found myself in.